The word ‘monumental’ is a big one but here it is – the power of knowing your values is indeed monumental. Values will ground you in your beliefs and show what is most meaningful to you.
Since my company’s name is Lighthouse, I’ve often used that image to guide hundreds upon hundreds of clients in setting a foundation. So, using ‘lighthouse speak,’ the foundation steadies the lighthouse so it can do what it is meant to do – it’s unshakeable if its foundation is solid and it all starts there. It’s a meaningful analogy because if we know our true and core values, we have a better chance of achieving what we want to achieve at whatever stage we are at in our lives.
What that means in a nutshell is that gaining clarity of what makes you unique, grounding yourself in what you truly value and acting in alignment with those values will guide you in making decisions and choices that will provide harmony.
The concept behind values is that when you act in alignment with your values, it feels right and when you go against them, it usually doesn’t work.
If you have never done a values exercise – or even if you have – I’m here to share a step-by-step process that is both simple and rooted in impact.
The 2-Step Process of Identifying and Clarifying Your Values
There are a ton of exercises out there that will help you to identify your values but, I love the process I’ve created because I have witnessed how impactful it has been on so many people. The difference is that it takes you beyond just determining what your values are, and delves into truly understanding them through clarification. In other words, what exactly they mean and how they show up in your life (or don’t show up!).
So, download this worksheet for free and let me share some inspiration here.
Step 1: Identify Your Values
When you embark on discovering your values, you are essentially defining what is important to you. This is what is right, good, fair and just to you. Values are traits or qualities that you consider not just worthwhile, but represent your highest priorities, deeply held beliefs, and core, fundamental driving forces. Values are sometimes called guiding principles because they form a solid core of who you are, what you believe, and who you want to be going forward.
On page 1 of the worksheet, you will find a process to identify your values. Go through the lists of values and choose what you think is right, good, fair and most meaningful. Sometimes it is easier to narrow in on ten and then the final step is to write down your FIVE values.
Most importantly, make this your own. It isn’t supposed to be a rigid process because these are YOUR values. If something is missing from that list of values, add it – that’s why there are blank spots. You can even search online for a list of values and if something resonates, add it.
But, two rules.
First, don’t get stuck and bogged down. Keep moving through this exercise and don’t overthink it. A good strategy is to set a timer for 15 minutes maximum, then give yourself another 5 minutes to clean it up and make your list.
Next, the end result is three to five values on your list. No more and no less.
Step 2: Clarify Your Values
On the second page of this worksheet is what I feel differentiates this values exercise from others and adds true meaning to it – Clarifying Your Values. This is the sweet spot that grounds your values into your life enabling you to truly live harmoniously.
The section to clarify your values delves deeper by guiding you to:
- Define the Value – Write a short definition or description of what each one means to you in the Definition column.
- How Do These Show Up – How do these values show up in your life or are lived? What actions or behaviours reflect these values? How do they impact you and those around you (i.e. your children, spouse, coworkers, friends, etc.)?
- Rate – Pick a number from 1 to 10 indicating the extent to which you feel each of these 5 values are being lived completely, fully lived. A ‘one’ represents a value that is not alive at all. Rate each value this way.
- Reflection – Reflect on each of your 5 values and think about whether you’d like to see these being more visible, more “lived” in your life. If so for any of the 5, describe how that could happen.
- Action – Based on your reflection, list what you WILL do to make that happen. Commit to it by stating when you do it. From there, create a plan and put it in your calendar.
It’s important to delve a bit deeper here so a couple considerations to guide you.
First, how these values show up in your life. Sometimes people sugarcoat over that question or conversely, resort to harsh self-judgment. Skip both of those scenarios because they are not helpful.
I’ll give you an example that I often share. Part of my annual goal setting process is to work through this values exercise and as I completed it years ago, I assessed how one of my values – Kindness – was showing up, or perhaps how it really wasn’t showing up.
In those days, my husband travelled extensively on business so by the time he got home, he just wanted to chill on the couch. Fair enough. However, I was ready to go out as a couple so committed us to things that he really didn’t want to do. Everything from having people over who were having a rough time in life to helping friends move. Yes, actually move their home. Ugh!
So yes, kind but it wasn’t kind to my husband. I had to assess how my efforts at showing kindness were impacting him – and ultimately, us. Working through that just changed how I chose to live by my value of kindness and essentially, how better to set boundaries that helped us live more harmoniously. Can you see how your values can impact everyone around you?
One more consideration for you is that the rating on this worksheet is a powerful thing because you may not be living your life according to your values. If Family is #1 and you aren’t making meaningful time for them – whether your parents, spouse, kids – then you may want to think about working that into your world.
The Power of Knowing Your Values
By now, it’s clear that the power of knowing your values is that they are a guiding light that can lead you to a more meaningful, fulfilling life. In today’s fast-paced world and with the rumbling uncertainty on a global scale, it’s understandable if you feel disconnected from your values. But, I’ll tell you this – if you can reflect on the qualities that are most pivotal to you, the stage is set in so many ways to stay true to your values. In doing so, you’ll foster a more harmonious life that offers peace and purpose. Let’s take a look at some of those ways.
- Living with a sense of purpose. Articulating your values helps you to wake up with a sense of purpose that carries you throughout your day, no matter what stressors arise. Research has found that having a purpose in life can lead to a variety of benefits, including reducing anxiety, depression, and stress.
- Banishing negativity. The power of knowing your value is in not allowing fear, anxiety, or negative thoughts to nudge you to reaction. Instead, your values are the fuel that keeps you moving in the direction you want to go. PsychCentral says, “Similiarly, your core values serve as resistance bands to how much (if any) anger, frustration, jealousy, or other potentially overwhelming emotions can build while resolving a conflict or mending a relationship. Your core values guide you in taking action on what you hold dear.”
- Setting boundaries. There is no better way to test your values than not setting boundaries in your life. Your values help you to stand firm when declining non-so-meaningful requests, invitations, and activities. Saying “no” to things that are not important to you and aligned with your values gives you the time, energy, and resources for what really matters to you.
- Making good decisions. American film writer and producer (and Walt Disney’s nephew), Roy Disney said: “It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” Your values can guide you in making solid decisions, especially during chaotic, confusing times.
- Stop Feeling Guilty. When we stay true to our values, we are more likely to act unapologetically authentic. Our choices and decisions are ours to make and through clear communication with others, we can move away from guilt. This is a big one for many so if you’d like to dig in deeper, check out my blog on 4 Ways to Stop Feeling Guilty. It’s worth it.
ASK YOURSELF THIS ALONG THE WAY: Is What You Are Creating Aligned With Your Values?
Living a rich, purposeful life starts with discovering your values. Those qualities form a home base and a solid foundation that helps you to stay steady. What’s more, these guiding principles help you to prioritize everything: how you spend your time, your habits, your well-being, your relationships ….everything.
Lastly, a question to keep top of mind as you’re setting intentions or goals in your life:
‘Is what you are creating aligned with your Values?’
Write that down on your values worksheet – ‘Is what you are creating aligned with your values?’ Refer back to that over and over again. If it’s not aligned, why not and what would you change?
I love hearing the impact of this values exercise so please reach out anytime.