Focus on self-management, not self-care. I know! With self-care often an illusive concept, this is a surprising notion, right? But, stick with me here.
Obviously, the concept of self-care isn’t new. Since the 1970s, we have been fed a barrage of ideas that will improve our lives. And today, it only takes a quick scroll through social media to see that wellness culture is really big business. The sales pitches run the gamut from miracle anti-aging products, monthly memberships to Pilates or Peloton, to subscription boxes filled with items guaranteed to bring you beauty and balance.
In itself, many celebrities have built empires on ideas of wellness that line their pockets and drain ours. They create a capitalistic monstrosity of products, diets and fads that promise to enhance our beauty, health and lives.
Despite all that, it doesn’t seem that people feel much better. In fact, they struggle more than ever. Could it be that the business of self-care is actually the problem, in that it has exploited our packed schedules and instant gratification lifestyles into an industry? The reality is that this hyperactive pressure for self-care simply doesn’t fix the systemic issues that are making us feel out of control.
As author Brianna Wiest wrote,
“Self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.”
SHIFT THE FOCUS TO SELF-MANAGEMENT
So, let’s go back to my earlier radical comment: What if I told you to focus on SELF-MANAGEMENT, not self-care?
By that I mean putting your effort into discovering what energizes you (or what drains you) and, managing things a little differently. By getting to the root of what sustains you, is it possible those healthy habits would actually result in optimal self-care? I say YES!
Let me give some examples so you understand the essence of what I mean.
How about self-management in REST? This could be minimalist living, sleep hygiene, taking time off or shutting down devices for peace of mind.
Or, what about self-management in TIME? Maybe delving into how you spend your time and whether that is helpful to your wellness. If your days are filled with time wasters, what if you consciously spent your time differently?
What about self-management in EMOTIONAL WELLNESS? Is social media taking you down a rabbit hole that leaves you feeling spent? Are your relationships draining you? Do any of your habits leave you feeling unhappy or anxious?
It comes down to the habits you’ve built that no longer serve you well – and, switching it up to create healthy ones that will enhance your well-being.
BUT, WHERE TO START?
The launch point is setting a foundation for your life and then, practices and systems that support what matters most to you. Certainly, there are many ways to go about this but a foundational first step is to understand what matters most to you. Here are a couple ideas.
For me, I choose an annual theme that serves as a focal point of what I want to create during the year – and most importantly, how I want to feel and how I want to spend my time. That simple word or phrase keeps me on track. The goals I set throughout the year help me achieve that theme. Certainly, that may or may not work for you but something that I guarantee will make a difference is identifying your values.
Values are traits or qualities that represent your highest priorities, deeply held beliefs, and core, fundamental driving forces. These guiding principles form a core of who you are, what you believe, and who you are and want to be going forward. American producer Roy Disney said, “It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” If you stay true to your values in your life, things will feel harmonious. When you veer off that path, things can get bumpy.
If you haven’t already done a values exercise to nail them down, here is a free worksheet that will take you every step of the way.
NON-NEGOTIABLES THAT SET YOU UP FOR SUCCESS
Once you have set a foundation of your core desires through a focal theme or your values, there are non-negotiables that will form a cornerstone of self-management. Of course, this all depends on what your roadblocks or habits are. So, sift through these concepts and if it rings a bell (be super honest with yourself here), set an intention to shift things for the better.
- PLAN YOUR WORK AND WORK YOUR PLAN. You’ve already decided what matters most to you by identifying your values, so the next step is to spend your time doing what matters most. It doesn’t have to be complicated but simply planning what you will do in a small chunk of time (perhaps this week or this month) sets you up to manage your time wisely and eliminate the overwhelm of never getting things done. It could be a specific project or deadline but it might also be a routine that will sustain you during a trying time. Remember the earlier examples I provided for self-management? If you’re feeling anxious, perhaps you need a routine of journaling rather than doom-scrolling through social media. More on digital detox shortly so keep reading.
- BREAK THE ‘BUSY’ CYCLE. LINK People wear being busy like a badge of honour but truth bomb here – we choose how we spend our time. With a little effort on self-management, we can break the cycle of being ‘too busy‘. There are a plethora of ways to do that. A couple of my faves right here. Recognize that everything on your plate you said ‘YES’ to. And what’s the opposite of ‘yes’? wink wink 😉 It’s NO! My other tip is to learn time management skills that work for you. For me, it’s all about using my calendar to manage my time and my ‘to do’ list. At the beginning of every week, choose your priorities and time block your calendar. I highly recommend color coding! To learn exactly how to do that, you’ll love my blog that walks you through breaking the cycle of ‘busy’!
- REST. Well, this one rides the coattails of breaking the cycle of ‘busyness’. Resting is a fundamental part of self-management because it is vital to your long-term wellbeing. It is okay to let go of those endless task lists. We get obsessed with getting things done – if only we had a bit more time, we could catch up. But here’s the thing. If catching up worked we’d all be caught up. Right? Resting is a fundamental part of wellness. Whether taking short breaks or dedicating more time to resting, you will boost creativity, increase productivity in the long-term, reduce stress, improve mood and even strengthen relationships. And resting doesn’t have to mean any more than a cup of tea or a good book.
- STOP LETTING YOUR THOUGHTS CONTROL YOU. Author Dan Millman says, “You don’t have to control your thoughts, you just have to stop letting them control you.” Easier said than done, right? But, self-talk is a powerful thing and having strategies in place helps. I started using the mantra “nobody cares” and sometimes people had a visceral reaction of it being negative but that’s not what it’s meant to be. Instead, it was a way to let go of perfectionism and instead, adapting an attitude of my time is precious and really, do people care that much if I bake or buy a cake when they come for dinner? Another wonderful mantra I use is something I pulled from Tamara Levitt on The Daily Calm meditation app. When unwanted thoughts seep in, I simply say: “thank you, but not now.” There are so many ways to let go of the thoughts that are draining you.
- RETROFIT YOUR WELLNESS PRACTICES WITH HEALTHY HABITS. Again, this doesn’t have to be complicated. We know exercise is beneficial but perhaps letting go of 10,000 steps a day and just focusing on movement will get you there….for now. What about simply getting outside. The possibilities are limitless of what you can do out in nature. Experiment and find an activity that you enjoy. This will motivate you to do it! And if you desire company for the activities, invite a friend or join an organized group for accountability and companionship.
- DIGITAL DETOX. According to recent data, the average person spends an average of 5 hours and 16 minutes per day on their phones – a 14% increase from the 4 hours and 37 minutes reported in 2024. Take a moment and let that sink in. Further, over half (53%) of Americans want to cut down on phone usage in 2025. The top reason is because two in three want to make better use of their time. And here we are right back at self-management. Technology comes with so many perks but in reality, we have become addicted to our devices. Taking a hard look at your habits when it comes to the digital world opens up an opportunity to stop negatively impacting your well-being and to better manage your self-care. This is a loaded topic but if any of it rings true for you (and doesn’t it to all of us?), I’ve written a blog dedicated to digital detox. Take a look and chart out how you can make this a part of your self-management (and self-care).
- STRATEGIZE YOUR FINANCIAL WELLNESS PLAN. We often don’t recognize how much our money woes impact our well-being but, self-management includes managing our wealth. Depending on your unique situation, your plan could be as simple as having a personal budget in place or it could delve deeper by setting spending limits, paying off debt or reducing costs. At any rate, it definitely means living within our means and actually having more money for things that are important to you.
- CULTIVATE COMMUNITY. Building stronger relationships offline with like-minded people who share your interests can be an integral part of your wellness. This could be through volunteerism or organizing friends to come together for craft days. Research local clubs for for everything from book clubs to games nights to knitting groups. If one-on-one is more your jam, reach out to a friend for weekly walks – accountability is powerful and this idea provides the winning combination of community, exercise and nature!
IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU!
You can create a fortress of wellness by following the above self-management strategies but one of the most important things is to customize it to your likes and desires. Ultimately focusing on sustainable ways to care for yourself enables you to build strong ties with what’s important and to build a life you don’t regularly need to escape from.
Lastly, we tend to overthink things but one of the best tenets is to keep it simple. We live in a world of excess but when it comes to self-management, bigger doesn’t necessarily mean better. Whether it refers to material goods or how we spend our time – or what we focus on with our hearts and minds – simple, sustainable habits to manage your life will go a long way to self-care.
And if you’ve lost your way (it happens!), you can reignite self-care. Be gentle with yourself. Slow down. Take time. Keep things small. Stop comparing.
As Amy Ann Cadwell of The Good Trade wrote:
“It is okay to keep things small and to do things slowly. Love is better than attention; grace is better than approval, and presence is better than perfection.”
TELL ME: What is one simple, sustainable thing that you can do to focus on self-management? And, how do you feel that this will ultimately help you with self-care?